remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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