you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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