guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
