i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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