Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
