I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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