I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
