He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
