no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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