I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
