She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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