Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
