Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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