how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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