Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
