The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
