i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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