Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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