i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
