I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
