I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
