You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
