I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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