I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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