Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
