She is in my trunk
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
