It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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