my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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