Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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