Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
