Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize