I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
