I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
