Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
