Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
