And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize