Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
