1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
