People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
