Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize