Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
