Please, let me fuck your mom
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
