You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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