love makes seman taste better
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
