Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize