She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
