i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
