Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
