I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
