So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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