apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
