my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
