If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
