first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
