I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
why does every cop we meet know your name?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
