Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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