so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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