I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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