Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
