I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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