Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Is it because I queefed?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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