Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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