Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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