its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
