so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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