he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
