Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize