Whod you bang
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
