Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
